The Reign Has Ended

I am writing this to say goodbye. I like the title I picked for this post because I think it's catchy. To me it means two things: 1. I, aka, Queen For A Year, am retiring this blog and 2. Lately, I have had some hard times and in being proactive and making a change I hope that personally my life will improve and that the "rain" will end. I was thinking about the song from the musical Annie "The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow they'll be sunshine...."

I will be returning to Eastern Canada on Monday, March 19th, 2007 so I will no longer be living and teaching English in South Korea so it seems like the right time to say goodbye to you and this blog. Moreover, I have not posted since just prior to Christmas 2006 and some of you may be wondering why. I feel that I owe you an explaination. I could very easily just let you assume it was because I was busy planning my return to Canada but that is not the truth. I have always tried to be honest and maintain my intergrity in keeping this blog so to lie to you by omission now goes against the grain. I just can't do it. So, here's the truth.

I have not been doing my weekly post recently and the true and primary reason for this is that unforunately rather than promoting understanding and discussion I have received several "comments" [which although I chose not to publish - at the time] I feel hurt and personally attacked by. This has taken the fun out of blogging for me. It's one thing to write about your own personal experiences while in your own country and culture and surrounded by the people you love and who love and support you. However, it is quite another thing entirely to try and write a weekly blog when far from home. As some of you know, Korea is called "The Hermit Kingdom" [even my Lonely Planet Korea book calls Korea that] and it can be a very socially isolating place for a Westerner. To live here and has been a series of ups and downs but to live my life more publically became too much a strain for me.

After four years here, I will be leaving Korea permanently. I feel that I have given Korea more than a fair chance and I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to go home. I came here very idealistic and I leave some what dishearted. The truth is I no longer feel comfortable living and working in Korea nor do I feel that I can make a difference here. One of my critics who I had chosen not to publish [at the time] made a comment on my post about Korean Bakeries which I titled "Not Quite Right" and he told me and I quote him "Bob Barker has left a new comment on your post ""Not Quite Right"": Heard it all before.... not quite right? or night quite what you're used to?If you dont like it, go home. " And, I have chosen to go home.

I am aware of the fact that people who write blogs often receive a lot of judgements by people who don't know them and some of them are even harassed over cyberspace. I alluded to this a little bit in talking about Shawn Matthews committing suicide in Beijing and that some people said that one contributing factor was that we deleted his Korean Life Blog and had given up blogging - which he loved in response to hassassment.. I talked about this in my post titled "Goodbye Shawn" [here a link to that post

Goodbye Shawn

found in my June Archive]. Although, thankfully, I in no way have received the same amount of harrassment that Shawn did I feel as he did - compelled to stop blogging. It's no longer fun and enjoyable. It not longer makes me feel less isolated and more understood but rather the opposite.

I wrestled with how much I wanted to get into the negative comments and rather I wanted to put them here for everyone to see and read. But, in the end I decided to because I want people to know the truth and I, also, want to serve as warning to other bloggers - becareful what to write. If you are too candid you will be criticized and sometimes even personally attacked.

Sunday, February 25th, 2007 I received what I consider to be my worst "comment" so far. Of course, the harshes of of the negative comments were made either with someone using "Anonymous" as their ID or another obvious fake ID names. At the time this really annoyed me since prior to this very moment [when I just removed my e-mail address] I have always had my name, photo and even my e-mail address posted on this blog for the world to see. I would have like to personally answer these people. However, now I have decided that it is a good thing it was done this way as it allowed me time to calm down and thankfully now and I more collected. I have chosen not to respond to these critics because I have come to the conclusion that there are some people who read blogs with their own personal agenda of finding fault. I no longer am idealistic enough to think that I can change the minds of these "hard liners". It is the more moderate people who have always been the target audience of my blog - at least in my mind.

Thus without farther ado here is the latest "comment".
"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post ""Not Quite Right"": I work at an English Language Center in the U.S. We receive students from every part of the world, and found your blog through a friend. She emailed me the entry about the discrimination you face in Korean. After I read that post, I continued reading the rest of your blog. First of all let me state that the "discrimination" you mentioned you are experiencing in Korea is the same here. I mention this because I can add the voice of many people from many countries with many experiences, not just one person from one country relaying one experience.

I think the reason you are so outraged is because you somehow have taken the title "queen for a year" to heart. I hope that you understand that people are allowed to assign their own rules in their own country as they see fit. They do not have to give you special privileges because you are a white Canadian.

I kept reading your blog because I thought that you were just going through an adjustment period, I was wrong. I also cannot believe your attitude in your later post. You state that some things in Korean are "not quite right." I find it unimaginable that you have lived in Korea for 3 years and you are still fighting against the culture. Other countries are not a different version of the "first world" as many westerners would like to think. If it exist in Korea, then it is just right from bean curd popsicles to eating dogs. I am sure that if you had encountered the same puffed air dessert in France you would rave about it.

I am well versed in the ways of the ugly American, but the ugly Canadian, for some reason I didn't think it existed. I guess I was wrong. "


Another comment I received but did not publish at the time was this one. "chacha has left a new comment on your post "New Furniture": Nobody says white people get a lot of male attention. They just stare because they're wondering wtf you're doing there. Don't flatter yourself, babe."

I even received what I consider to be attacks on my ample figure. For example I got these two comments. "leone has left a new comment on your post ""Not Quite Right"": Perhaps it's a good thing that Korean cakes don't taste so good to you - think of your figure!!!! "

"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Adventures in Cooking": why are your boobs next to your belly button"

Moreover, even my right to express my opinion and experience was questioned. I write as a white, Canadian woman because that is what I am. I never made a secret of that fact. I can only write about my experiences through my own eyes. However, again and again, I was told that because I was a "white Canadian" I could not write about discrimination or I think that only when a "white Canadian" experiences racism do I think that it is important Here is one such criticism I received on my post "Discrimination Against Foreigners in Korea".

"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Discrimination of Foreigners in Korea": i am a korean canadian, living in US. although i feel sorry for your troubles, for most of us, it's pretty much the same. your post makes it sound as if korea is the only country that treats foreigners like this, but it simply isn't true. i work with a company here in US, in California, and whenever i have people come on an extended business trip from, say, Korea, they go through the same: need to deposit $500- $5,000 to get "secured" credit card (you can only use up to the amount you deposit). they have to deposit $500 (another $500 if they want to call overseas) to get a mobile phone service, if they can get it at all.

I'd love to join a local country club, but alas, my money is not good with them. apparently, i have to be white and old (they say, you must know a member and get recommended by one - sure if you are new, you'd know people like that)

You claim that you can navigate through most websites in Korea, apparently not so. I don't have Korean citizenship, so when I signed up for Cyworld, for example, I used my Canadian passport to sign up. And I do use it frequently. i.e. Cyworld does accept foreigners. and yes, i have nate/nateon messenger as well.

Foreigners in Korea feel they are discriminated against, sure, I think that is true to some extent, but I am not sure it's any worse than what people get when they come to either Canada or US. i certainly hope anyone is implying that only when a canadian/american gets discriminated it's worth blogging about while the other way, it's just way of life here. "

***

Not all comments were negative and some were very favorable and encouraging. To those of you who enjoyed my blog and wrote to thank me let me offer my thanks to you. I appreciate your support. I feel you understood the true spirit of my blog - which was not intended to be a social commentary or political lighting rod but rather a frank and sincere personal account of my sojourn in "the land of the morning calm".

It is with mixed feelings that I say goodbye to you and this blog. If you enjoy my writing and want to hear more from me don't fret. I am in the process of writing a book about my adventures living and teaching English in South Korea. Moreover, it will not just be a recap of my blog but a include fresh new ideas and material. I have always planned to write a book about my experiences and therefore although I used this blog to try and discipline myself to consistently write and to try and hone my writing skills nonetheless it was always with the knowledge that I needed to save some of my funniest and most dramatic experiences for my book.

I plan to keep this blog as it is and later offer an excerpt from my book as well as a link showing where you will be able to purchase my book - as soon as I complete it.

Rest assurred this will not be the last you hear of me or my writing. "Queen For A Year" was rather tame or so I thought - and yet it invited a level of viciousness that was - at least to me -shocking! However, through this experience I have become even more convinced that words are power - they can hurt or they can heal. They have the ability to convey emotion and allow others to learn and grow vicariously though another person's experience. It is with this hope that I embark on the next chapter of my life and journey.

Ann

My First Full Day in Korea - Part 2

Saturday, January 25, 2003: Noon 'Til Midnight

Well my first day in Korea was half over. It was lunch time and after meeting "Amber" my first Canadian and fellow teacher I felt so much better and more optimistic. I felt like maybe things would work out and be okay, after all.

It was 1:00 p.m. and neither Tony nor Mr. Kim had shown up and neither had Mr. X. the school's owner and boss. So after some conversation in Korean [that of course I couldn't understand] Ms. Park was able to take me away from the school. I started to understand I was not only free for the rest of the day but for the rest of the weekend. I won't have to return to school until Monday. Yipee!

I needed to go shopping. I needed some food. I wanted to buy bread, peanut butter, and orange juice. I was not ready to eat rice for breakfast everyday - at least not yet. Also, I needed to buy a towel and a hairdrier. Ms. Park with much gesturing and some help from a Japanese Teacher at the school let me know that she would take me shopping for what I needed and then take me home to the apartment. I was amazed at her kindness but then I remembered that no one has given me any keys to the apartment yet. Soo maybe she didn't volunteer to help me maybe she was drafted. In any case I was just too happy to really care why it was happening.

It is when we went shopping that I realized that my changing only around $ 80.00 CDN into Korean Won [at the money exchange at the airport] had not been such a smart move since the banks were all closed and there were no money exchanges in Gumi. But, I did have enough money to buy absolute necessities especially with Ms. Park speaking Korean to all the shopkeepers and beating them down in price for me.

I didn't really notice it so much at the time but when I got back to the apartment I saw that no matter what the price tag said I had paid less. I then learned my cardinal rule for shopping in Korea - NEVER PAY FULL PRICE FOR ANYTHING!

After shopping Ms. Park took me back to our apartment. Then she showed me a corner store only about 2 minutes from our apartment. A husband and wife ran the store and the husband spoke some English. Ms. Park talked to him and introduced me and the husband translated for me. When they discovered I was Canadian [not American - like they had assumed] they seemded even more excited and happy to meet me. I get the feeling that maybe Americans aren't so popular here. What was that about?

This corner store was only about 2 minutes walk from my apartment. The husband and wife who ran it seemed very nice and when Ms. Park introduced me they give me some free bread. The husband laughed and told me "Korean people eat rice. Americans eat bread."

This was the Kia car dealership in Gumi, Korea. I used it as a landmark when I was trying to find my way from the apartment to the school and back. I was so amazed how uniform in looks and behavior Korean people seemed to be. This picture shows what I mean. With only one exception everyone is wearing black clothing. It lead me to nickname Gumi "The City of Black Clothing".

Around 4:00 p.m. "Lucy" the teacher I was replacing showed up at the apartment. She had finished at the English Camp and she was leaving Gumi tomorrow by bus for Seoul. She gave me her keys since she was spending the night at some other teacher's apartment. I walked her [and helped her carry her luggage] to the main street so she could catch a cab. It was then that she pointed out "Amber's" apartment - it was only 3 houses away from mine. And, she invited me to her going away party that night. Since I didn't know how to get there she told me she would call "Amber" and get her to pick me up about 9:00 p.m.

Things were looking up. I was going to a party later and I have my own set of apartment keys. So, I decided to go for a walk to explore the neighborhood. I had to becareful and notice landmarks since I didn't have a cellphone and couldn't speak enough Korean to ask for directions if I got lost. Not to mention I didn't even know the address of my neighborhood little own the address of my actual apartment building.

Around 6:00 p.m. I was starving and after looking in the windows of a various buildings trying to guess what kind of business they were (since I couldn't read any signs) I finally looked in a window and saw multiple tables with cushions positioned around them on the floor. BINGO! I had found a Korean restaurant - or so I thought! It looked exactly like the Korean restaurant Mr. Kim and Tony had taken me to last night. I decided to go in and see if I could order anything to eat. I was so hungry and it was no wonder so far that day all I had eaten was some rice, some dried seaweed, some bug larvae.

I went into the building and whipped out my Lonely Planet Korean Phrasebook and started to talk to the woman working there. She was very kind. Her name was Mrs. Kim. But what I soon realized with the help of my book was that this is a Soju Bong [Soju is a kind of rice alcohol] and this was a drinking room]. It wasn't a restaurant at all! When I realized my mistake I was embarrassed and wanted to leave but Mrs. Kim wouldn't let me leave.

This is Mrs. Kim. She worked in a Soju Bong in Gumi. It is a drinking room. But I didn't know that. I looked in the window and saw all the tables and I went in and using my Lonely Planet Korean Phrase Book tried to order a meal. Mrs. Kim took pity on me and called and ordered Chop Chae [Sweet Potato Noodles with spinach and fried meat] for me. She wouldn't even take a penny - or should I say won - for it. She was so kind. She tried so hard to speak English to me and we used my phrasebook and practiced on each other. I used The Lonely Planet Korean Phrasebook and I highly recommend it to anyone wanting or needing to speak some Korean. It's divided into sections based on need, ie. there is a section on eating out/ordering in a restaurant. That's the one I used here.

For information on this book go to
Lonely Planet Korean Phrase Book

This is picture of Chop Chae. It is a dish made of sweet potato noodles with onions, spinach, and fried pork or beef. It is good and not too spicey. It's a food my Korean friends had made for me in Canada so I knew I like it. My supper was EVER so much better than my breakfast!

After my meal I went back to the apartment and had a short nap and then I got up and got ready for the party. "Amber" came to get me a little after 9:00 p.m. and we took a taxi to some other teacher's house. There were so many people at the apartment that I couldn't keep them straight. After a couple hours there I felt like I needed to get away. I met a guy from New Zealand and his Korean girlfriend and they were leaving to go to some bar downtown. They invited me to go along with them. So, I decided to go. But not before I manage to borrow 50,000 won from a fellow teacher. I was amazed at how nice everyone was being. Also, one of the teachers wrote out the address of my apartment. He wrote out the Korean words in phonetically in English and told me if I say this to the taxi driver I would get home. So, off I went to explore more of my new city.

Here I am at WABAR my first night out in Korea. Wa-Bar was amazing. It had drinks from all over the world. It even had my favorite beer - Molson Canadian. I was smiling cause I felt like I found a "home away from home" there at Wa-Bar.

Here is a picture of Wa-Bar. See all the colorful bottles. I always said, "If you can't find your favorite drink at Wa-Bar then you just can't find it in Korea."

My First Full Day in Korea - Part 1

Saturday, January 25th, 2003 Morning

My first day in Korea started early. I was was exhausted. I woke up at 9:10 a.m. and took a shower. With much motioning, etc. Ms. Park was able to show me how to turn the hot water on and off. I realized that it took about 5 minutes to heat up so I brushed my teeth and rummaged through my suitcase for some clothes to wear while I waited for the water to heat up. It was then that I discovered that I hadn't thought to pack a towel. Big Mistake. I had to use a T' shirt to dry off on after my shower. It was not a good start to my day. I was mad at myself for my over-sight. [If you ever go to live in Korea and teach English make sure you take a towel and some sheets. I'd suggest queen sized sheets cause you can always fold them under if their too big but you can't made them stretch.]

I wished I could have slept in cause my jetlag was terrible! But Mr. Kim had told me that he would come to the apartment to pick me up at 10 a.m. to take me to the hogwan [school] and meet the owner.

This is Bon-Daeg-ee. It is some kind of bug larvae. It has a smokey oyster taste and it's very crunchy sort of like eating celery.

Ms. Park, my Chinese roommate, ate this for breakfast with a bowl or rice and some kim (dried seaweed). Since I didn't have any food (getting to the apartment around midnight didn't exactly leave me any time to go grocery shopping) Ms. Park insisted that I share her food.

I gotta tell you. I didn't appreciate it at the time. I felt put on the spot to be polite so I sort of just tried to choke it down (truthfully I ate the rice and kim and tried one bon-daeg-ee and then hid the rest under a small pile of rice I left in my bowl). Later, I would learn that Ms. Park had a family back in China to provide for on less than half the salary I was guaranteed in my contact and she couldn't really spare the extra food. [I must admit that I still won't eat bon-daeg-ee. Even the smell of them makes my stomach queasy.] So I doubt it would have helped me eat any more of them than I did at the time but at least it would have made me more fully appreciate the extent of her sacrifice and kindness.

After we had eaten breakfast and it was after 10 a.m. and still Mr. Kim hadn't showed up to pick me up and take me to the school. I wondered "What's up with that? I guess he isn't too worried about punctuality." I figured that if last night was any indication of his tardiness than I would have a least an hour or two to wait so I decided to go back to bed and go back to sleep. But, alas, I couldn'tt.

Ms. Park was upset. She was so worried and so scared that she began pacing the floor and trying to call people on her cellphone. I wasn't not sure what was going on. I wished I could speak Chinese or even Korean then I could just ask her what's up.

Finally, at 11:00 a.m. Ms. Park put her winter coat on and motioned for me to do the same. And, we walked to the school. It was about a 15 minute walk. I should have been paying attention so that I could find my way to school and home again but I was too tired to care. Also, I was worried. It couldn't be a good sign that Mr. Kim kept blowing me off. I worried "What if he forgets me when it comes time to pay me?" Was it some reflection on me? I had so many questions and so few answers....

When I got to the school neither Mr. Kim nor Tony were there. No one seemed to speak English at the school and everyone just sort of ignored me. It was like they don't know what to do with me. Ms. Park rans off to teach a Chinese class. [I found that out later because I got bored and gave myself a tour of the school. I went looking in classroom windows and I saw her teaching. At least that explained her anxiousness earlier. Maybe she gots paid by the class and wasn't on contract like me.]

I wanted to go home and go back to bed and to sleep but I wasn't sure I could find my way back to the apartment and I didn't have any keys, anyway.

What was going on? Why was I at the school? I wasn't doing anything. And, where were the other Westerners? There were supposed to be at least 6 or 7 other "Native Speaker" English Teachers there. But instead there were only some administration staff and Chinese and Japanese Teachers. I was bored and I hadn't even thought to bring a book to read.

So, I just sort of wandered aroundthe school and tried to get my bearings and figure out what was going on. Just when I was so bored I want to cry I meet "Amber" another Canadian. She was from Newfoundland and like a good Newfoundlander she took me under her wing. She bought me a cup of coffee out of a vending machine and told me that all the other English Teachers were at the "English Camp". This wass "vacation time" in Korea when the kids were on holiday from public school so they went to camps to learn things like English or computers or whatever. Well, at least that cleared up the mystery for me. I felt so much better just meeting someone who spoke English and was from the East Coast of Canada. I felt reassured to learn that usually the school was bustling with other English Teachers and everyone was Canadian. Maybe all the confusion and the not picking me up on time - or at all - was because of the "English Camp".

This is "Amber" she was my first friendly face from home. God bless the Newfoundlanders who are so kind and wonderful to everyone. I wouldn't a made it without them.

I felt much more hopeful after meeting "Amber" and learning what was going on with the school and the other English Teachers. It didn't seem to be a personal thing against me. But I was left thinking, "All this happened and it isn't even lunchtime. What will the rest of the day bring?"

Gumi, South Korea - A Pictorial

Saturday, January, 25th, 2oo3
After my rocky arrival in Korea and Gumi I started to settle in. My Korean life was just beginning and I was excited. I couldn't wait to explore my new city. I took this pictures my first two weeks in Gumi, South Korea. For more information on Gumi go to
Gumi Website in English

I'm not sure if you can read it but the sign in the background says "I Love Gumi".

Gumi is rumored to be the Silicon Valley of South Korea. LG and Samsung are the major employeers in Gumi. Everywhere I went LG dominated. It seems only fitting that building with an LG Sign on it seems to tower over Gumi.


This was the outside of my apartment building in Gumi. The only thing I didn't like about the place was that my downstairs landlady ways always closing and locking the metal gates to the courtyard. Admittedly, it was a great security feature but made it hard for me to order pizza until I got a cellphone and could understand enough Korean for the pizza delivery man to call me and tell me to come unlock the gate.

This was the kitchen in my apartment in Gumi. Notice I didn't have a stove - just two gas burners but I did learn to cook some and eventually bought a toaster oven. (I would learn to make everything from homemade pizza to meatloaf and chocolate chip cookies in that toaster oven.)

The livingroom of the apartment was where we had to keep our drying rack. This is where we dried our clothes. There was a line on the roof of the house that we could use when the weather got warmer. Boy, did I miss my clothes drier.


This was G-Plex. It was a large department store in downtown Gumi. You could buy anything from clothes to earrings there. Also, there was a food court on the top floor.
There was bedding for sale on the street. But unfortunately, there ere no sheets to be had - AT ANY PRICE! I was so disappointed.

Here is Gumi Train Station - January 2003. It has since be renovated. I loved the benches in front. It made a great place to sit and people watch. Moreover, Dunkin' Donuts is next door - great for take-out coffee.

My Arrival in Gumi, South Korea

Friday, January, 24th, 2003 - Close to Midnight

Well, my long day was getting longer. But at least I had finally arrived at my final destination of Gumi, South Korea. After much waiting and confusion I eventually was picked up at the airport by two Korean men (only one of who actually spoke to me). After having to practically run after them to the school van (I was tired, upset and angry, so I didn't run ... I did walk very fast, though). I thought the worst was over.

Not so. We started driving and about 3 blocks down the road the two Korean men seemed to be having a heated discussion (I had no idea about what). It was around 10:30 pm on a Friday night. Eventually, "Tony" told me that we were running out of gas. So, we were driving around looking for a gas station that was still open. Did I mention it was snowing, too? Well it was... things were not exactly going the way I had hoped.

This is a picture of "Tony". He was so nice and kind to me. He is always smiling. It was Tony who translated for me and told me that we were running out of gas in the school van.

In the middle of driving around looking for a gas station Mr. Kim's cellphone rang and it was "Jamie" my Canadian Recruiter. He was checking up on me. He had promised my parents that he would call and make sure I landed okay and then link the call to them so that they would know that I had arrived safely. He told me he had called earlier but Mr. Kim had told him that my "plane was delayed". I told Jamie, "No not exactly. It was the reverse". I meant that I wasn't delayed but the people who were supposed to pick me up had been. But either Jamie didn't understand my cryptic statement or didn't want to. I wanted him to know the truth but not if it made me look bad or bitchy to my employeers. So, I let it go.

Eventually, we found a gas station (or should I say "Oil Bank") that was open and we got some fuel. So, we continued on our way. I was starving and they took me to a restaurant. Tony asked me, "Do you like spicy food?" Luckily, I knew from Korean friends I had tutored in Canada to say "No". So Tony ordered me Sam Gae Tang which is a whole chicken stuffed with rice and served with ginseng and broth in a soup. It was delicious! I was grateful when the meal was over and we left Daegu to drive to Gumi and I could finally get some sleep.

I found out that the man who didn't/wouldn't speak to me was named Mr. Kim. I was taken to an apartment that the Canadian Teacher, "Lucy", who I was to replace lived. What I didn't know was that Lucy had been living at the Camp where she was teaching. This was in January - prior to the Lunar New Year and the kids were on vacation so it was "English Camp" time. The reason this is important is [that although it gave me a place to sleep in Lucy's bed] since she hadn't been living in the apartment in more than one month the heat had been turned off to Lucy's room. It was so cold I could see my breath in the room. Not only that but I would be sharing the two bedroom apartment with Ms. Park a Chinese Teacher. She didn't speak ANY English and I spoke No Chinese.

Ms. Park in our Gumi Apartment livingroom. With a Korean/English Dictionary and much gesturing she and I would not only be able to communicate but would become good friends.

I hate to admit it but I guess it had all gotten to me. The tiredness, the coldness of the room, a roomate I couldn't communicate with, and the general feeling of disorganization (no one to meet me at the airport, running out of gas, no heat in the room, etc.) I did not feel very welcome in my new "home". After Tony and Mr. Kim left I turned down the blankets on the bed and saw they were dirty. I didn't want to sleep in someone else's dirty bed. But it was so cold and I was so tired that I did. I crawled into bed wearing sweatpants, a turtle-neck, a sweatshirt and even a hat on my head. I cried myself to sleep that first night. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day....

My bedroom in Gumi, South Korea - after I had bought new bedding and got my mom to send me sheets from Canada - since I couldn't find any to buy in Korea at ANY price. It would be home to me for more than four months.